She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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