I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
