I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
