I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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