People in love make me want to vomit
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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