woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
