So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
