I CAN MOONWALK!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
