K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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