I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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