wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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