My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
