Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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