i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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