make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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