I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
