i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
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Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much rum. So many feels.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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