I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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