I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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