i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
