Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
