i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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