i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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