He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
