my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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