some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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