There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
