Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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