he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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