His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
