i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
