He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
