That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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