I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
