Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
