i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
