Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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