I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
