How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
this just has baby written all over it
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
