no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
