He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
