Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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