She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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