9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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