i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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