I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
