I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
