Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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