I love watching others lives come down to our level.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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