This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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