He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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