The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
