Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
