There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize