So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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