dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
