hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
