sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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