Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
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you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
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I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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