ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
