She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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