There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
