just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
