My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
