I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Randomize
