You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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