I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
