omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
