pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
