yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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