Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
your room smells of hookers.
And success
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
