There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
