Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
