we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
it glows. i had to have it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
